hey there..

today's the 28th and here it goes.

it's 10.51am and i've just woke up from my sleep bout 50mins ago. that's 10.00 btw. =].. anyway, yesterday i had this FREAKING F*UKING argument with my mum. it all happen when she started clearing the snacks in the bowl and on the table.. i was watching '' life with derek'' after the show at 11.30, i went washing up, brushin my teeth bla bla bla.... there's this tin of cookies which i've forgotten to put it in a air tight container and so i was ask to do that later on.. my mum left the tin of cookies in the toilet and on the table which i was practically brushing my teeth.... then she walk away.. i was like'' put it on the table outside''. she didn't hear what i've said. so, i brought stopped brushing my teeth for awhile and brought the tin of cookies out of the toilet and PUT IT ON THE TABLE WHICH THE SOUND OF PUTTIN ON THE TABLE WAS QUITE LOUD. AND MY MUM THOUGHT I SLAMMED IT ON THE TABLE... she then came into the toilet saying'' *pulls my hair* don't make me shout.....'' then went out of the toilet took the tin of cookies came in and SLAM THE TIN OF COOKIES ON MY HP N ON THE TABLE.. i was like kinda feeling FREAKING ANGRY... what's the fcukin wrong with my mum?!?!?!... i got really angry and i scolded softly at my mum.. all those VULGARITY just happen to pop out of my mouth like '' FCUK YOU!... *RSE*OLE'' kinda stuff.. WHAT SO EVA!.. after washing and brushin up, bla bla .... brought the cookies out left it on the table near the computer and applied lotion and stuff.. went to bed.. i slept far away from my mum.. i was feeling fustrated and angry and i was like breathing in and out controllin my anger... till finally i ain't control much longer till tears flowin out from my eyes.. i went to the toilet looking for any sharp equipment thinkin of slashin.. but i looked away slam my fist on the cupboard to LOOSE MY ANGER.. my mum came in talking BADLY, PULLING MY EARS, HAIR, TRYIN TO TURN MY HEAD N LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR!!!.. at that time i was really angry and i can't take it animore. i kinda like told my mum in a loud manner that i didn't slam the cookies on the table and slam the door. and she went all..... bla bla bla... ARGGGGGGGGGGG....WHATEVER!!!!! GO TO HELL!!!....after letting out my anger and everything... last thing i did was taking the maths set one of the instrument as in i took the one where we need to draw a circle.. there's this sharp point, all i did was i took that, went into the toilet, went scratchin my left arm.. 3 short lines bout 1cm.. from there, i felt kinda relief.. =)... after that, i went back to sleep... since i can't sleep as i'm still quite angry.. last thing i did was i throw my pillow on the floor to let go my last anger!.. and my mum was like

mum: just look at how you behave..
me: i just wanna let out my anger can i?!?!
mum: what???
me: i said i just wanna let out my anger CAN I?!?!?!
mum: why not you bang your head on the wall if you angry
me: * freaking angry and disappointed the way she said that*
mum: go knock your head against the wall next time
me: *silents and started shedding tears...* * seconds later, took my cellphone, typing a journal in my hp .. all in CAPITAL LETTERS saying all sorts of bad stuff to my mum.. even lots of VULGARITIES!!.. after bout 5 or 6 pages, i felt peaceful and went to sleep.*

like WTH is wrong with her.. she said if i wanna let out my anger, is fine.. there i went letting out my anger and she started scolding me, pulling my hair and pinchin my ears.. WTF!!!!.. ARGGGGGG.... seriously speaking, one day i can goooo NUTS AND INSANE i can dosage myself with panadol or even ran away from home!!! FOREVER!!! AND EVEN SKIPPED SCHOOL FOR ALL I CARE MAN!!.. so sorry but that's real. FREAKING HATE MY LIFE AT TIMES!!!.. sometimes i wish i wasn't even born in this world... or sometimes i just wish i was D E A D! what does that word reads? DEAD!.... arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. gosh!!.. that is how i feel when i'm in a state. as in freaking fustrated! angry! or feeling annoyed!!!.. trust me!!. anyway, im goin for NDP later.. and endin late again.. mayb i shall not answer my mums call if she happened to call me!!... fustrated with her!!!... for now is 11.27am and i'm stopping here. till then, see ya folks.

everything wasn't ok i was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
that's when i decided

crying out loud i'm crying out loud (x2)

open your eyes
open up wide
why should i care
cuz you weren't there
when i was scared i was so alone why should i care
cuz you weren't there when i was scared i was so alone
why should i care
if you don't care then i don't care were not goin newhere.

Avril lavigne - losing grip lyrics

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

hey!!..

today's the 19th june.

nothing much but i've been studyin and revising plus NDP-ing at marina platform.=)
right now, my bro is sleeping in my mum's room and i can't study in there. i can't concentrate too as the aircorn is on and it's lowered down to like 22 degrees. i'm like freezing cold.. i woke up around 10 or 11 plus.. oh and my brother's friends are in his room sleeping like a log or a pig..haha.. so.. anyway, i'm right now at the first floor in the living room.. just finish studyin n revising for like 2hrs and i played ''audition'' for 20 minutes. and now i'm bloggin.. later on, around 3.30, i'm headin to my mum's school to help her out for abit then headin off to airport terminal 3 to fetch my dad as well as have dinner.. for now, my head is spinning every 5 minutes... that hurts ok. super 40% stressed out aight*. no matter what i use to distress myself, it's no use. right now my headphone with mp3 music is hung around my neck. maximum volume is 30 listenin to songs but still i'm havin headaches.. GRRRRR... 4 more days b4 my trial prelims and 3 more days b4 school re-opens. i'm right now feeling so screwed up, freaking out and nervous bout exams... HELP ME!!!!!!!!....freaking arse bored right.. ain't got things top do besides reading, studyin n revisin like one insane and nerdy creep.. always felt like doin other things but afraid that i will get carried away.. and whenever i feel stressed out, i'll just slack the whole time and doze off on the table..DARN IT!!! MY HEAD IS HURTING LIKE NOW!!... i soooo wanna go to my mum's school earlier if that's possible. i'm like freaking bored as hell!.. i ain't close with my granny... ain't really close with my brother.. and my sister just left for work.. it's just soooooooo....grrrrrr..... nvm.. forget it. mayb i shall msg my mum askin her if i could go to her school earlier...i feel like a rotten rock at home yaw!.. till then, b4 i go really insane, i shall stop here.. tata.

if you wan to play it like a game
well, come on, let's play
i'd rather waste my life pretending
than have to forget you for one whole minute

they taped over your mouth
scribbled out the truth with their lies
your little spies
they taped over your mouth
scribbled out the truth with their lies
your little spies

crush
crush
crush
crush, crush

Labels: i have a crush on someone. =))

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Hey there.

today's the 10th of june. and it's after NDP practice that I'm actually bloggin. it's past midnight like 12.05am.. woohoo.. had my bath like minutes ago and so now i'm usin the towel to dry my hair and later on i'm gonna blow-dry a little and head to bed. anyway, today was the same thing had practice and there's this mly guy that looked like Chinese he kinda looked at me weirdly. cuz i was speakin mly to a sec 2/3 guy. after talkin to him, the guy whom looked like chinese, he talked to me.. and so did i talk to him =)... bla bla bla. sucha tiring day. and it rain heavily like cats and dogs. freaking cold when the wind blows strongly. anyway, here's my trip to macau & Hong Kong diary.

5th june

Today's my b'day n now i'm in d speedboat heading to macau. i'm so having a seasick if d boat keeps shakin as in in tiltin left and right. anyway, right now, guess what, i saw 4 HOT n macho guys from northern india. Seriously.. it's like i'm head over hills with them. 1 of the guy he kinda look at me quite alot of times n i look at him too. not me alone but my mum too i mean both my mum and i admire him.. we admire em' 4 long hours.. haha. not really. okok stop it. i'm going crazy n feel like vomittin anitime... like soon i guess.. anyway, today i guess we're not walkin aniwhere.. after this we're goin to our hotels and from there we'll c. gotta stop. i'll continue later.
6.39pm.
i'm right now havin dinner at d restaurant.. hours ago, my parents and i walked around to see clothes, jewelleries and taste diff chocolates. that's called window shopping..oh and btw, i saw them again! but it's one of the guy that kept on lookin at me n got my eyes eyein on whenever i c him around. lol. b4 that, we were in our hotel rooms restin while i played with d laptop chattin with zahid n two other foreigner friends of mine.. im darn bored waitin 4 my parents servings.. my eye are gonna close anitime. so yeah. later on would be just walkin around the whole hotel then bed time.. see ya.

6th june

today was a draggg. early in the morning it was rainin heavily like cats and dogs.. my parents and i had breakfast in the hotel itself. it's called the 'cafe de cor' had cereals n a pinch of this and that on my mums serving. after breakfast, headed back to our hotels, pack d stuff that we need n bus-ed to zhu hai.. was almost drenched. thanks to the rain my facourite pair of shoes from USA was soaked with pourin rain.. went through all immigrations n stuff n finally went to a big shoppin mall. spend most of d time in d mall buyin shirts, n of cuz jeweleries and phone keychains as well as a little soveniour 4 my friends. my dad was annoyin both my mum n i as in kept tellin us to speed up when there isn't a need to.. so i just fugly freakin ignored his chasin. seriously irritatin. anyway, i'm in a SAN BAO restaurant having lunch which i'm havin sandwich as i'm not hungry. like wth is wrong with me. i ain't in a mood 4 no reason. after lunch, we walked around then finally bus-ed back to macau. went up the hotel room, rested 4 like few seconds n went out again to walk around. bought two blouse from esprit. after that, had dinner.. 4 now i'm tired n tmr we're heading back to hong kong 4 another 2 nights n monday we're headin back to s'pore. see ya folks.

7th june

first time of d day that we woke up late 4 breakfast at d 5 star hotel. anyway, after breakfast, we went up, had our final pack n check out of the hotel. ' i miss admiring those hot guys.. hahah. shht*..' niway, bus-ed to d ferry terminal airport. n now i'm in a first fery macau boat headin to hong kong. then bus-ed or car-ed to shangri-la hotel. i'll continue later aight*. ( ps. sorry if i've forgotten to continue my story. was tooo buzy and tired after a whole day of shopping on this day.).

8th june

heylo. today's finally d last day that we're gonna shop. first of all, we woke up very early in d morning.. had buffet till bout 9 plus. then, my mum and i went back to our rooms to do girls stuff. after that, came down n walked all d way to d MTR station. * in HK they call it the MTR while s'pore call d MRT* n went all d way to place where we wanted to take d cable car ride but it was close cuz of the flood... so ended up shoppin around d mall till bout 3 or 4 plus then mtr-ed back to tsim sha shui and walk around and look at the shops... minutes later,we headed back to our hotels rest for awhile...bath and all... at about 6 or 7 plus, went out again to the streets to try some desserts.. o well, lte's just say i bought a D.K.N.Y jeans cap. i love that cap.. i wore it and people stare at me. as well as one foreigner guy as in the aussie guys. he kinda stared at me once n i stare at him too. then i look elswhere and looked at him again and he was kinda lookin a smilin. at first he was standin n leanin on one of the shops n against the wall after then he kinda stand still and walk over to another shop n looked at me again. i kinda look at him again and went into the CD shop. LOL... i'm CRAZY!!!.. after tryin the dessert, all of us walked home and BED TIME!.

9th june

hey. today is d final day and we're goin back to s'pore. woohoo. oh well, first of all we went for buffet breakfast. dad was rushin us as he don't wanna waste time. ate quickly n went of, walked underground as in d MTR station to another of the place. took some photo's of a Filipino's maid on how they earn money, n even how they pray. after that, bus-ed tour again to harbour city. went window shoppin. didn't buy anithin cuz d things were too ex-ed. so, other then that, came out of the shop, went to look 4 food to eat. walk around again as in window shopping again. waited 4 mum as she went buyin chinee medicine back. finally walk all d way back to out hotel room. let's just say i rested in d room, packin n get ready to head to d airport while my parents went out to d market again to buy her stuff. after awhile, they came back and started packin their last minute stuff. at about 3, a driver came to pick us up to d airport. i sat infront. D aircorn was blowin at me face that every 5 min, my eyes close and open as in makes me wanna sleep. lol. once reached n all, check in, went in d departure side, waited 4 few minutes n got into d airplane n off to s'pore.

so that's how my diary goes for macau and hong kong trip. pictures?.. kinda sloppy to upload it. next time i'll upload it aight*.sooo for now.. FUN IS GONE AND NOW HERE COMES THE STRESSIN PART, REVISIN, STUDYIN FOR UP COMIN PRELIMS yeah. tmr onwards i ain't goin online! but since SHAZWAN( sec 2) ask me to go online... i shall go online for awhile and then go on with my studies aight*. till then see ya folks. it's 12.48AM. i'm about to close my eyes.
see ya folks.

Labels: MIA-ing

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

hey hey!!!

4th june.

acturlly i wasn't in a mood to hang out with my mum as i was dead beat from yesterdays NDP practise.. but then had a message from my mum askin me to get my butt outta from bed.. no choice but to get up and get ready. headed to parkway and had lunch with her. we had sakae sushi.. played peek-a-boo with this cute little foreigner boy.. really adorable ok. haha.. anyway, after eating, she went to do all the errands and bought 2 b'day cakes for my sister and i then headed home..

and now let me talk bout yesterday which is the 3rd of june

had NDP practice...
ndp happen to start at 6.45.. and i was being demanded by fatin as in tellin me to be at the eunos MRT station by 5.00. that's ok. next thing is, i got ready by 5.40 and left the house at 4.45. reached mrt at 5.05. guess what.. NO ONE'S EVEN THERE YET. grrrrr... LOL.. waited there for half an hour like fool till finally sabariah came. anyway, waited...and waited then amira.... finally fatin came. that was alreadi around 6??.. MRT-ed to bedok.. waited for siti, atikah and suzianah. bus 14-ed all the way to bedok camp. by the time we reached, it was alreadi 7 plus. LATE. but didn't get a scolding. bla bla bla bla. made a new friend.. her names is zhong yi.. talk to her quite alot.. bla bla bla.. until the end of NDP practice and this is how it happends. first of all, headed to the toilet.

*all went into the toilet except for me waited outside*
fatin,siti,amira: Nette.. u do wan to come in?
me: do wan..
siti: nette, come in..
me: do wan urh..

*seconds later i went in*
*lookin at the mirror..*
*amira playin with the so called toilet bowl where the guys pee.. 1 by 1 pushin the button. *
*me starrin at the thing duno for what*
siti: nette suke sia tgk punye tu.
me: *laugh* no lar i was lookin at the water lur

either fatin,amira or ct *started pouring cold water on me*
i stood down screamin like crazy.. seconds later i stood up wanted to ran out but ended up fallin down hurtin my knee.. but still laughin away... my left leg was like through the door.. siti,fatin n amira continue enjoyin pouring water on me.. almost drenched from head to toe.. LOL.. went out from the toilet, peeps starrin at me. *PAISEH MAN*....all the water spray made my contact lens drop out.. wanted to put back but can't.. both my hands were sheivering.. lol.. but still i had a good and fun time yesterday.. THANKS YEA GIRLS FOR THE SABO-ING AFTER NDP WHEN I WAS TIRED THEN SUDDENLY WATER POURING TIME..* next time pour usin one whole bucket yea. hahahhaha..thanks for that n i have a blue-black on my left knee.. but still, love you all lur...*.. niway, it's 4.28pm and i'm goin out again later for my sis and i b'day celebration.. and tmr i'm goin to macau!! see ya!!!!!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

heylo.

it's 12.01pm. waiting for the peeps who is repairin the aircorn to get outta my mum's room b4 i can brush up. anyway, i wanna make this clear. from today onwards till i go for holiday, i wanna revise and study for some of my subjects. i wanna read up. n if i can, i wanna do my holiday assignment as well. that's my plan. seriously speakin, these few days, or weeks, i've been slackin and lazin around like deep shiat. watchin movies on youtube, chattin, playin games n all sorts of stuff. yeayea. only i knew it myself. my mum don't really know. so yeah. from today, i'll try not to blog or go online. only to listen to music just to chill myself. till then,

i have to go.
gonna start dwelling on revision as well as studyin n homeworkin after the aircorn peeps have left. till then

see ya.

Labels: revisions, studyin in progress. will not be bloggin unless i feel like it.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

hello...

today's the 29th of may and it's 9.59Am..

today, supposedly there's a english practise oral in school. but ended up not going. let's just say the i couldn't sleep last night. tossing and turning like crazy.. couldn't fall asleep till i had a miss call, i jerked up and headed back tryin to sleep till i finally did. LOL. -.-''.. at around 7.00 the aircorn disrupted my sleep.. let me just say my aircorn almost exploded. luckily my mum jerk up and quickly off it. it's been years and months n still we've not change the aircorn. anyway, from then on i continued my beauty sleep till 8.30, gotten a msg from fatin saying that there's oral practise today.

*phone vibrates, jerked up me and got me into a heart attack*
fatin: Nette, there's sch today right?
me: give me a fright..i'm not going hahahk. amira also not goin..
fatin: what seh. go ar..today there's oral practise.. fine arh.. lazy bum. hate you!
me: hahak. is siti goin?.. but today is only practise right.. what time must we reach?
fatin: 9.. dunno.. p8 low arh
me: ouhk. see first lur..keke.

lol. from then on, i couldn't sleep and so i woke up went to the loo and sat in there for few minutes n thinkin whether to go or not to go. LOL. minutes later, my hp jerked me with a msg.

*bzzzz....bzzzzz*
siti: Nette, you goin for class?
me: lazy to go urh. ha ha. i'm now at home. thinkin to go or not to go. you goin?
siti: going. coz yesterday my family faught. n so i don't wanna stay at home. i rather go out.
me: ouh.. mayb i'm goin. if not i'm MIA. ha ha.

in the end, i decided to stay at home. right now i'm blogging. later on, i'm goin to revise the subjects that i'm weak in and mayb start on my holiday homework. =).. and yesterday i was suppose to go to school. and this is how it goes

*alarm clock rang*

*zzzzzzzzz*
mum: bernie, don't you have to go to school?
me: nohmm..
mum: *silents*...

1 minute later
mum: do you have to go to school?
me: stomach pain.
mum: don't be lazy.. wake up, take panadol and i'll send you to school
me: argg hmmmm..* still layin on bed with eyes close
mum: *wakes up*..brush up and all, got dressed* you take responsibility for yourself k
me:*silents and went back to sleep*

LOL.. i know that's SUPER BAD!!!! AND NOT COOL OK...people who are my blog, i advice you not to follow my footsteps. dun be in my shoe. it's not worth your life yeah. hees*.... anyway, yesterday i really had a stomach ache ok. at around 11 plus i text fatin sayin that her umbrella is with me. bla bla bla. got changed, eunos mrt-ed, met fatin,siti amira,sabariah and syazwan. sat for awhile, siti,amira and sabariah headed home. so, in the end, fatin,syazwan and i headed to orchard as he wanted to pass his dad some stuff. dam! it was rainning cats and dogs. my shoe was drenched. stepping on the puddle of water, squeezing through crowded path filled with peeps pushin like hell and walkin slowly.. grrr... after syaz pass his stuff, then went to his chalet at parsir ris. *ehem. stomach pain still can go chalet.. ehem*. haha. and without tellin my mum but instead, my grandmother.bastered me. LOL*. fatin and i was like talking and gigglin while in the MRT. syaz went all silent but he talked.. not much though. once reached, went into his chalet but not right inside. sat outside at the doorstep. bla bla bla. whatever.. and so fatin and i were thirsty. both of us went for a walk and bought drinks for ourselves. but of cuz syaz followed us. i felt weird cuz syaz kept askin me where we wanna go. like i'm the host of the day?? ..-.-''.. i was like'' why ur look at me? ha ha''. whatever that is, and so i turn back, OMG!!! I SAW HAKEEM!!! and his friends like faiz, syuhada and the rest sec 4n2 and 4n3 peeps. fatin and i went hidin in the toilet.. -.-''. in the end, i went in the chalet myself, took fatin's bag as well as mine and chao. reached home about 4 plus almost 5.. bath and all.. luckily i was home first b4 my mum. if not my head will land in d bin. LOL.. let's just say my mum came back at 5.20. phew!!!... alright. guess i've told you a long grandmother story.. the time now is 10.39am. i'm like sooo tired still. eyes can't open.. listenin to slow motion songs that makes me wanna dooze off again. so.. yeah.. till then gotta go. see ya peeps.


i've been waiting for my dreams to turn into something i could believe in
and i'm looking for the magic rainbow on the horizon i couldn't see it
until i let go, gave in love, watch all the bitterness burn
now i'm coming alive body and soul
feeling my world starts to turn