hey friday!... well, should i blog?...mayb i should.. since i'm now in here.. zzz..wadever.. aniway, last night, i had 8hrs and 20 minutes of sleep.. i woke up around 7.50 this morning.. and that's early to me..cuz usually, i'll have late morning wake ups.. for example, i'll wake up around 10 or 11?.. but today is super early.. i can't sleep!!!...tossing here and there..wakin up every second...well, yesterday my mum and i went to my school for parents meeting...talkin bout my results..PLUS talkin bout my blog bout how it afact my results and all...my mum and my form teacher did talk for quite a long time..i was there listenin too..DUH...the whole story was kinda long...after parents meeting, went straight home...took a short rest.. ate dinner.. went online chattin..and siti started askin me for my results... first up, didn't wanna tell her until finally i told her..i ain't happy bout my results...well, why is that so..my blog says it all.. and that's true.. all my emotional feelings bout BGR and some stuff that's goin on..so yeah.... while chattin with siti, my water pipe just can't control but to leak out tears from my eyes.. it's like every 2-4 minutes.. cried for awhile and i stopped.... cry again and stop...seriously speakin!..=).. i even cried myself to sleep..my mum doesn't know bout it cuz it was a soft weep...well, mr.sulaiman and even my mum told me to try and get my emotions off by next year when school re-opens.. i'll try my best to forget and to sweep everything off my mind and start a fresh next year.. provided there's no one pisting me off.. but there is, i'm just gonna IGNORE... treat it as his talkin to the lamp post or to the wall... o..k...wait... first of all, sec 2 i had no problems at all.. as in no BGR and stuff like that.. but when it comes to sec 3... it's like chaotic...boys comin to me and ask to be their girl and all sorts of stuff.... you know what, next year is a clear mind of guys askin me to be their girl... as in if they do come askin me or whate so ever, i'll just R E J E C T= REJECT! you understand..cuz this comin tuesday i'm headin back to school forCPA enrichment program till friday...we're acturlly gettin ready for our 'N' levels when school re-opens in some time like late january if i ain't wrong...?.. so, in that time, it's monkey business.. as in serious business...so please, don't add any lame,stupid rumours bout me or even add a guys name in my mind.. all i wanna do is work harder!!!!... oh and if that enemy, eugene, is in the same class with me, then i shall just ignore him.... don't even care a single bit bout him..leave that freakin,insane nuts minded guy alone!!.. and for now, it's 12.35pm waitin for my TWO MAIDS to finish vacuming and cleanin up my room then i shall start on my holiday assignment b4 i fly off to aniwhere and start to forget what i've got....soo yeah...that's the end of me..

i wanna make it right, that is the way
to turn my life around, today is the day
am i the type of girl who means what i say?
bet on it(x2)

how will i know if there's a path worth taking?
should i question every move i make?
with all i've lost my heart is breaking
i don't wanna make the same mistake.

oh ya,for my close friends, : fatin,siti,amira,atikah and sabariah... if next year i'm not in the same class with you guys, sorry...but if we are then... we'll see each other again.. if not, then i'm gonna miss you guys... all the memories we had.. the ups and downs we've been through... and the things that we did... time that we hang out and had fun together durin guides, camps, outings, or what so ever... gonna miss those days with you guys...sooo yeap... guess i'll end here as both my maids hav just finish cleanin up the room. it's time for holiday assignment..

and so we talked all night bout the rest of our lives
where we're gonna be when we turn 25
i keep thinkin times will never change
keep on thinkin things will always be the same
but when we leave this year we won't be coming back
no more hangin out cuz we're on different tracks
and if you got somethin that you need to say
you better say it right now cuz you don't have anther day
cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
these memories are playin like a film without sound
and i keep thinkin of that night in june
i didn't know much of love
but it came too soon
and there was me and you
and then we got real blue
stay at home talkin on the telephone
we would get so excited and we'd get so scared
laughin at ourselves thinkin life's not fair
and tis is how it feels

as we go on
we remember, all the times we
had together
and as our life change
come whatever
we will still be
friends forever..=))

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

hey!... o well...ain't nothin much to do.. so i've decided to post a blog. today was rather dull but interesting as we went to the singapore shooting center..first up, came to school, once stepped into the canteen, some guys or whoever was like'' wooohooo'' or whatever it is... like as if they have not seen people wearin jeans in their whole entire life.. LOL.. niway, skipped that part.* screams*'' wth!! click 5 went to st.joseph secondary school!!!!!!!.eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!'' ok stop it!!!!!.. hahahahhahahahahahhahahaha...well, bad news, i didn't get to aim anithing.. lousy shooter me. after being there for like 2 hrs.. took group photos and all.. went back to school.. fatin and i took bus 21.. and SCREW THE BUS DRIVER...CAN'T YOU SEE I'M A STUDENT!!! WHY MUST I TAKE OUT MY BUS PASS WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE MY SCHOOL LOGO!!..and my stop is like 2 stops away and ur askin me to pay 90 cents.. custered!!.. * kan...kan...*..
* peeps in the bus stares weirdly at me*
* me: roll eyes blink away from them and mumbled sarcastic words bout the bus driver:*.

minutes later, there's this few girls from other school came in and they were like squizzing in and pushin me... bla bla bla... why am i talkin bout this niway...suppose to tell you guys bout a thing..and it's like RIGHT NOW!!... let's just say, i've just finish talkin to atikah on the phone like half an hour ago.. and she told me that alex is still waiting for me.. and it goes like this

me: tikah, did alex say anithin bout me?
tikah: yeap...
me: what did he say?
tikah: he say that he still have feelings for you.
me: keep quiet and ask: continue
atikah: but i told him that you dun like him.. and he say that mayb one day you'll like him
me: sayin in my heart: CONFIDENT........MY FOOT!!: sayin this to atikah: my foot... i don't even like him a single bit..
atikah: serious?.. u dun like him..
me: no!!! never ever will i even hav a feelings for him.....arfff!!!!!
atikah: oo....*cian dier*..

and the story goes on and on..
later on, i went smsin atikah say
: tikah, do me a favour and tell that CONFIDENT guy, stop lookin at me, don't even try anithin to get my attention, dun ever wait for my answer cuz i dun even like him AT ALLL!!!!... thxs yeah..: too bad atikah didn't reply... but she'll tell him all those stuff that i've smsed her.. aniway, i'm sick and tired of LOVE LIFE... though there are some guys out there whom mayb still chasin after me ... or me admirin some HOT guys out there.. but it's just a admire ok... so yeah... it's like 1o.o8pm and mum's callin.. so yeah... tmr is like another SUPER DUPER DULL SICKENIN DAY..zzzzzzzzzzz..... n thursday is parents meetin... gosh!!.. super nervous... wonder what would my mum talk about to my form teacher.. ahaha..

adios amigos.

Friday, October 19, 2007

hello people wassup ya'll...

i'm like sheddin tears in my heart right now.. cuz u know why... i've just told my dad bout my exam results.... shouldn't have pick up the phone.. hahah...just kiddin...aniway, the first results that i've told him is english.. secondly was eoa.. thirdly i told him was chinese but i said i didn't know the overrall marks yet.. forthly was maths... and he was like'' still the same.... no improvement.. * sighing*..need to get you a tutor...* and he goes on and on and on.... well, dad, my mum did get a tutor for me but still no improvement... seriously... and my mum said that it's understandable as i've got no basic for maths.. oh and my dad thinks i'm always infront of the computer and i always do last minute studyin when exams are comin.. like please!!! i don't do that ok... his not in singapore for like 24hrs to watch me..and he don't believe that i acturlly revise my work everyday after school.... let's just put it in this way yeah. not say he don't believe me but the thing is, his not always in singapore and at home to watch me study or revising... that's the thing.. and it also depands on how i study.. well, for me, i cover and practice the sums again... seriously i really did that.. durin classwork, i'm quite ok with it.. mayb i have the fear in maths??...i ain't sure myself...aniway, we're gaven holiday assignment to do.. EOA and maths.... gross!!! why isn't there ani english!! haha..FIRST favourite subject.. today we got back our FnN.. i screw up my FnN... BULLSHIT!!!!...hahahahha.....and....darn!!! look what you've people have done to me... talkin to me lots till i've completely forgotten what i wanna say..arg!!!..... niway, i'v got nothin much to say but yeah...gonna end here.. havin a serious mygrain now since yesterday... ain't idea why the hell i'm havin a mygrain....grrr..so yeah... see ya.

*psss....i saw 3 handsome chi dudes at the bus stop...hahahha...and fatin was like teasin me cuz i was like wanna turn and look at em'.. hahahahha...i was laughin my arse off non-stop.LOL.'' * that's all i wanna say......SEE YA PAL.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

BONJOUR PEOPLE..:))

today is the day that we gotten back our results...gosh!!!.. kk.. first of all, it was mother tongue.. well, don't wanna say my marks but our chinese teacher told us that we might pass if she add the total marks for listenin and oral.. so yeah... overrall, i HOPE i'll pass!!! seriously, i don't wanna SCREW UP my mother tongue..cuz if i do, and when it's parents meetin seasion.. i'm gonna get a slit on my throat. as in mum will say'' you wanna die...your chinese is still soo bad..'' bla bla bla all sorts of stuff... after chinese it's maths.. MATHS....OOOOH MATHS..... seriously i've GIVEN UP on maths... would never ever improve.. my maths have alreadi gone the the deeeeeeeeeeeeep and filthy GROSS drain... and i shed tears after gettin paper 2.. NO POINT SHEDDIN TEARS YA'LL!!! NO USE CRYIN WHEN I SAY I WANNA PASS MY MATHS BUT THEN IT'S STILL COME TO THE ENDING... skipped that filthy maths part... for english, my favourite part..

paper 1 i've got 51
paper 2 i've got 33
paper 3 i've got 11.

in total, i've got 95!!!...SITI!!! WON ME BY 3 MARKS.. 98...-.-'' but good job gurl!!...at least my english is like my best subject ok.. the total marks as in i'm not sure it's 95 out of how many marks yeah.... and EOA, don't wanna say out my marks but hey, i've improve my EOA.. the mid-year and small test, i've been gettin either 1 digit or either 2 digits but below 20... but for now, i have improve my EOA marks and gotten above 30 marks 2 more marks to go to 40... but then there's like corsework to be added... so don't really know what's the over all for EOA...aniway, for now, i just wanna keep it low from my parents till the parents meetin..:))...and today all of was like not followin the rules and all... as in goin for early recess but finally got caught by mr.teo and mr.siva.. sayin'' i do wan to scold the prefects... the prefects should be helping out..go back to ur class..* fatin,amira,siti,me walkin to the toilet..came out* mr teo: eh!, quick go back to ur class!*..'' and the story goes on and on and on.. non-stop... for now, i've given up on prefects.. next year, mayb if i can't handle my studies well, u know what, i'm gonna stop being a prefect. and that's final!!.....and right now, i've got nothin to do but my left leg is cramping like no ones business..soon gonna be my right leg.. i know... i'm like an elderly girl. as in old ''women''... for now, i wanna draw my pictures yeah... see ya'll around. oh and btw, today while heading home, fatin was like'' bernadette, mat salleh( foreigner, aus peeps) siti,sabariah,amira,fatin n me was like smiling.. and i was liKE grabbin fatin arms. cuz first of all when amira wants me to go back with her, fatin pull my arm to her and so her hands was still on my arms.. so yea... i ended grabbin fatin arms when i saw that HOT GUY!!...* okay.. bernadette, please... stop ur nonsence and get back to ''serious'' business.. hahaha...* niways, gotta get back to my drawings... see ya peeps round aight*.

adios amigos.

just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow
lies the seed that that with the sun's love,
in the spring, becomes the rose.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Thursday, October 11, 2007

IT'S FRIDAY AND FINALLY!!! I CAN RELAXS MY MIND.. CUZ I'VE BEEN STRESS FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS!!.. SO YEAH...and i've got like tmr-wednesday... holiday.. and thursday we're gettin back our results.. gosh!!!... dreading for my results ya'll... niways, today is my FnN.. it was quite alright.. but i guess some of the topics that i've memorised, it slipped off my mind..grrr......completely got screwed up!!.. oh yeah.. since exams are WAY OVER, let me just say this outta ma heart yeah...

first of all, i wanna say sorry to this person whom i've read her blog and found out she was commentin on me. bout how i change.. sorry yeah.. and no offence at all.

secondly, i wanna say please.... for GOODNESS SAKE!!!... think twice.. if it's isn't enough, think THRICE!!.. cuz u know what, i'm NOT EMO!!! AND THE WAY I SIT IS THE WAY I AM.. I'M JUST NORMAL GIRL IN SCHOOL OK!!! I AIN'T THOSE MINAHS OR WHAT YOU GUYS JUST LOVE SAYIN THAT MINAHS LOVE BEHAVING IN A BAD MANNER AS IN SHOW OFF HOW SEXY THEY ARE OR HOW CUTE THEY ARE...i'm not those kinda gurl aight*.. my skirt is just too long and that's the reason why i gotta fold... what's that gotta do with my character... and i've not changed a single bit.. you just don't understand me and don't even know the 100% of the real me... so PLEASE....... FOR UR OWN GOODNESS SAKE!! if u wanna comment on me or tell anione bout me, just talk face-to-face.. there no reason for you to talk behind my back!!!... arg!!!! that's like soooooo childish aight*.. seriously, being in that manner that you are in, is really childish... talkin behind my back bout my skirt and my character...pfff.... GROW UP YA'LL...!!! GROW UP!!!.... i hate friends whom behaviours are like that...seriously speaking..oh yeah..that's the whole truth.. and please just look at your behavior and character first b4 talkin bout others!... damn! talkin bout this make me go on fire ya'll... oh yeah and

thirdly, please think back on the good things that i've been doing for you... especially during the sec 3 camp as well as in school.. all the help and favor that i did for you.. all those are the good things that i've been doin for you and this is what i get in return?.. talkin bout my skirt and my character?.. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha........seriously, you have to think back ok... and

fourthly,
bout the bf thingy, i know that i've told you guys that i don't wanna have a boyfriend... and i ADMIT IT I'VE TOLD YOU GUYS...( at least i admit things that i've said ok).. but then.. as my life changes, i just need someone to comfort me as well as to confide in.. oh and yeah.. SPEAKING OF THE TRUTH, i don't even know if he accept in the first place after tellin him that i have a crush on him...so, we're not really together!... and that's just a CRUSH!!! PLEASE DIFFERENTIATE THE MEANING OF CRUSH AND GOIN INTO STEADY!!!...right now, is neither a crush nor a steady... we're just normal friends but not more than a glass of a cup.. once broken into pieces, it can't be fixs.... you know what i mean?.. if you don't, i'll explaine it.. it means we're not sooo close till we're more then friends and then later on we break up.. NO!.. isn't that.. so yeah.... right now, i'm with no one!! seriously saying THE TRUTH!!.

lastly,
please... don't say anithin bout me... if u want, do come face-to-face with me and tell me!! and if you think ur angry, whose even more angrier.. i'm sooooooo DARN FUSTRATED RIGHT NOW JUST B CUZ OF THIS..all i know is your just jealous of whom i'm mixing around with... i know i've got lots of friends in this school... but there's no need to be jealous... gosh!! this makes me wanna puke infront of the computer screen.. what u want me to do... talk to you more often and leave my close friends aside....please lar!! be mature... we're all friends for sure right... there's no need to be jealous.. just mixs around with us and talk to us.... there's NO REASON FOR YOU TO HIDE ALL UR FEELINGS AND SPIT IT ALL OUT WITH ANOTEHR FRIEND OF YOURS...GRRRRR......* relaxs bernadette...relaxs... don't get soooo fish up easily bout this one matter. it's just a small matter... don't make it BIG!*so yeah.... guess i'm done with saying my peace!.. and anithing that i've missed out?.... hmmm.. nahx... i hope after readin my blog, you'll understand what i'm tryin to say.... ONCE AND FOR ALL, I'M GONAN REPEAT MYSELF, I'M AIN'T EMO, AND I'VE NOT CHANGE MY CHARACTER PLUS, I'M JUST A NORMAL STUDENT WHOM DON'T MIXS AROUND WITH THE BAD COMPANY AND WHOM KNOWS WHAT I'M DOING..AS IN I KNOW WHAT KINDA FRIENDS I'M MIXING ROUND WITH AND ALL... SO YEAH.... *give a sigh of relieve.*..

PEACE YA'LL!!!....overall, it's just sooooooooo DARN RIDICULOUS!.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Friday, October 05, 2007

hey blog.. o well, it's saturday and i've said b4 that i won't blog till after the exams aight*.. i know.. but for now.. i just can't take it animore... let;s just start of with early in the afternoon. my dental appointment is was around 11 plus.... and i woke up late around 11.15.. the reason is i slept late as i studied really late last night.... it all happends when my maid woke me up.. then, my phone started to vibrate.. it was my mum.. and so i just leave it alone went up to her room and the house phone rang.. bla bla bla... i went to the toilet.. dad came up and he was like''*BANGIN ON THE TOILET DOOR REALLY HARD* YOUR RIDICULOUS..HURRY UP!*'' like hello!!! i just woke up and tryin my best to speed up ok!!... i quickly went to bath and all.. house phone started to ring and when i pick up, mum was like shouting at the top of her voice to me on the phone'' i've told her that i studied late and she was like'' DON'T GIVE ME RUBBISH!!!'' GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE, IT'S FINE WITH ME... CUZ ONE FINE DAY I MIGHT AS WELL NOT TREAT YOU MORE LIKE A MUM.....seriously... i went down.. and mum startin scoldin me at her top of her voice syain that i've got no sense of timing and all sorts of stuff..... she was like'' YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IS IT NOW... AND HOW LATE ARE YOU?......'' bla bla bla.... '' UR NO MORE A KID... YOUR 15 ALREADI.. U WAN ME TO SCOLD YOU EVERYDAY AND EMBARRASE YOU INFRONT OF EVERYBODY?'' bla bla bla'' YOU WAN TO DIE???'' in my heart i was like'' wadever... i had enough of you shoutin and scoldin me alreadi.... if u want to embarrase me infront of everybody.. it's fine with me... and the nxt time ur NO MORE MY MUM!!!... alreadi she embarrase me infront of my granny... and you know my granny... she's a big mouth... whatever she have heard, she'll spread around to her sons and daughters..... not joking.... i bet my neighbour nxt door could hear my mum shoutin as well as my aunt in her room.... THAT S U X S (SUXS LIKE HELL AND TO THE CORE!)....
whts the point man... wanted to apologies but then just leave it... it's no use.. she'll still continue to shout and scold me.... after the whole of shoutin and scolding me, i can't take it animore but to loose my temper by slammin the door and the cupboard and just shed my bloody tears out.... and sorry if i have to say this just to release myself..'' FMTOOTKER''.........seriously.... it's like i felt like running away from home one day... or i just wanna say, '' why am i born in this world or place''......aniway.. after the whole scolding and shouting movie.. i went EMOtional for like half the freaking day with my parents...didn't talk to them... if i did it was like one word at a time. that's all..... mayb i should just be like this for this two days....o well, I'VE SAID MY PEACE.. AND NOW I'M GONNA GOT MY ARSE OFF THE BLOG AND START TO MUG AGAIN FOR MY EOA AND MATHS PAPER 1 RIGHT NOW!!!''

i will always remember
the shoutings and scoldings that u've did to me
always scoldin and shoutin
of pain and hatred that come to me

when i think about my father
the way he used to scold me bad
and when i think bout my mother
the way she scold and nag at me like nuts
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANIMORE!!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007